1. Mother of the Bride: Your Duties in Detail

You should manage the difficult task of limiting the number of guests, if necessary.

Here are 15 helpful responsibilities moms can handle with ease.

• Help bride and groom scout out wedding and reception sites.
• Serve as the main contact for wedding pros (especially if the wedding is taking place in your town and the bride lives elsewhere).
• Help bride choose her wedding dress, trousseau, and wedding-night peignoir.
• Compile and submit names and addresses of your family and friends to be included on the master guest list.
• Talk to the groom's family about whom they want to include on the guest list and manage the difficult task of limiting the number of guests, if necessary.
• Help research family or ethnic traditions and heirlooms to incorporate into the ceremony or reception.
• Determine what the bride wants you to wear on the big day and find a gorgeous dress. Then, consult with the groom's mom on what you two will be wearing. You'll both feel more comfortable if your elegance is in sync.
  Start looking for the perfect dress.
• Attend (and possibly help organize) the shower.
• Escort the bride down the aisle if the bride's father isn't planning on it. (In a Jewish wedding both parents accompany the bride.)
• In a Christian wedding, be seated in the first pew directly before the ceremony and leave the chapel first afterward.
• Stand in the receiving line to greet guests; traditionally, as reception hostess, the mother of the bride heads up the line.
• Sit at the parents' table (if there is one).
• Dance with the father of the bride (or other escort) and the groom during the formal first-dance sequence.
• Remind the bride often how special she is and that she'll be the most beautiful bride in history.
• Let the bride cry on your shoulder anytime, day or night (you know, be a mom).

2. Mother of the Groom: Your Duties in Detail

Obtain information on where the couple is registered and spread the word to your side of the family.

Traditionally, the bride's mother has absorbed most of the pre-wedding responsibilities, while the groom's family assumed more of a back seat. Nowadays, both moms take on a significant role in the planning process, especially if the two families are sharing the financial burden. No matter what the case, here's what's expected of the mother of the groom.

• When the engagement is announced, call the bride's parents as soon as possible. Express your happiness and invite them over for cocktails or out to dinner.
• Host a dinner to introduce the bride to the groom's side of the family.
• Be aware of expenses typically covered by the groom's family and offer financial assistance, if appropriate, to the groom.
• Offer to help scout out wedding and reception sites.
• Offer to serve as the main contact for wedding professionals -- especially if the wedding is taking place in your town and the groom no longer lives there.
• Draw up the guest list for the groom's family after asking the couple how many guests you are able to invite.
• Help the groom choose family or ethnic traditions to incorporate into the ceremony or reception.
• Attend bridal shower and buy a gift.
• Obtain information on where the couple is registered and spread the word to your side of the family.
• Consult the bride's mom on her wedding-day outfit. Shop for your own about 4-6 months before the wedding.
• Keep track of your RSVPs and offer to make calls to obtain last-minute responses for anyone on your side of the list (3-4 weeks before the wedding).
• Stand in the receiving line after the bride and groom (along with the groom's father).
• Sit at the parents' table (if there is one).
• Dance with the groom during the mother/son dance

3. Mother of the Bride: Attire Etiquette Q&A

Mom, got a headache from all this dress drama? Before you go shopping for your mom-friendly frock, ease your mind with these etiquette dos and don'ts.

What's the dress-buying protocol for moms?
Most would advise the MOB to avoid dresses in the white, ivory, and champagne colour family.

In the most traditional wedding circles, it's customary for the mother of the bride (MOB) to purchase her dress first. Her choice of colour, cut, and length are meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom (MOG) will wear (the MOG, in turn, chooses a dress style and colour that compliments the MOB's -- their dresses shouldn't match). We think this approach is fine as far as it goes, but it's a little old-fashioned, not to mention a little unrealistic. There's always the delinquent MOB who prefers to shop at the last minute, the shop-a-holic MOG who snatched up her dress at a sale last winter, uncooperative families who refuse to communicate with each other, and other factors that make abiding by tradition a lost cause. Just play it by ear, and try to be flexible. It's not a competition.

When the MOB buys her dress, is it her duty to then politely "inform" the groom's mother? What happens?
Old-school wedding etiquette says that the MOB is responsible for setting the maternal fashion parameters by buying her dress first. The MOB is then expected to notify the MOG (presumably to prevent overdressing, clashing colours, and other fashion faux pas.) If this makes you uncomfortable, or strikes you as unnecessary, you're not alone. It's certainly good form, but not a requirement, especially if you're worried about seeming pushy or bossy. That said, the MOG might really appreciate -- and even expect -- a heads up. You can either have your daughter subtly pass the details along, or, better yet, bite the bullet and give her a call. Try to sound as friendly and non-territorial as possible: "I finally found a dress that fits! Do you know what you're wearing yet?" or "I just wanted to tell you they're having a great sale at Stuttafords this weekend -- I found a dress I think is actually going to work." Chances are the MOG will want to know more and she might even ask you for fashion tips. Of course, she might be totally disinterested, but if that happens, don't sweat it -- you've been heard. When all is said and done, you're both going to look fabulous.

Does the MOB need to touch base with the groom's stepmother about the dress, or should she contact only the MOG?
Divorced family situations can get sticky. Don't worry about the groom's stepmother. He'll let her know what you (and his mom) are wearing. You risk offending the MOG if you formally involve her ex-husband's wife in the game plan.

What are the colour restrictions surrounding the MOB's dress?
Most would advise the MOB to avoid dresses in the white, ivory, and champagne colour family. Otherwise it appears as if the MOB is trying to compete with the bride, the consummate centre of attention. There is also a popularly held negative attitude towards moms in black -- black suggests mourning (the loss of her daughter), funerals, and doom. Finally, many brides (and guests) might frown upon the colour red or similarly "flashy" shades -- the colour signifies defiance, flamboyance, and so on. Even so, we've seen moms in white who look tailored and elegant. We think black is classic, chic, and formal. You look ravishing in red? We've seen it done with gorgeous good taste. The bottom line? Before you start shopping, talk to the bride. She may be very sensitive to the colour issue or completely indifferent. If she expresses reservation, think about subdued-but-stately colours in the lavender, beige, silver, burgundy, blue, and rose families.

Does the MOB's dress colour have to match the bridesmaids?
Some will swear by the "rule" that the MOB's dress must match or otherwise coordinate with the bridesmaids' attire. And some brides really love that matchy-matchy look. But there are countless alternatives. Maybe stay within one colour spectrum -- if the maids are in baby blue, for instance, the MOB can wear navy. But mixing and matching can be ultra-stylish, too. What's most important, however, is that everyone feels comfortable and beautiful.

When it comes to choosing the MOB's dress, how much say does the bride have?
Definitely consult her on colour -- she may have issues with certain shades (white, black, red) or want your dress to complement the bridesmaids' get-ups. She may also have ideas about style, length, and formality. Do try to respect her wishes -- her opinion should count for a lot, and if she wants long sleeves or if she likes you best in pistachio, what's the harm in obliging? Keep her guidelines in mind while shopping, but the dress you settle on should make you happy, too.

How far in advance should the MOB purchase her dress?
Start shopping as soon as possible. If you must put it off (maybe you're trying to firm up or just dread shopping in general), aim to have made a decision at least one month before the wedding. Keep in mind that the groom's mother might be waiting on you to shop for her own dress, and that cutting it close is bound to stress out the bride. We know you're going to get around to it eventually -- just be sure to let the groom's mom know she can forge ahead without you and keep the bride informed of your progress.

Does the MOB have to get dressed up for the wedding, even if fancy isn't her style?
If it's an evening wedding, you're going to have to dress up more than usual. You don't want to stick out or appear disrespectful. But this doesn't mean you have to sport sequins and satin or velvet and rhinestones. There are many frill-free formal looks out there. Stick to your guns and you'll find an outfit (pants are okay!) that's unembellished, easy, and elegant -- perfect for your casual style. You'll be happy to know, too, that hats, heels, pearls, and gloves are not a requirement -- you can accessorize as sparingly and simply as you wish.

Can a young-looking MOB wear a strapless ball gown -- is there such a thing as looking too young or sexy?
On one level we think you deserve to wear a fabulously sexy dress, but on another, we're wondering how the bride will feel. If she's supportive, go for it -- you're both going to sizzle! But if your daughter seems concerned about "Mommy" turning heads, not acting her age, and otherwise upstaging her, let her be selfish. It's her day, not yours. Besides, you're not limited to "frumpy" or overly conservative attire at all. It's quite possible to be a glamorous MOB without ruffling any feathers.

4. Mother of the Groom: Attire Etiquette Q&A

For your son's wedding, you deserve to look regal and radiant. But before you go shopping, you have to consider the bride and her mother. At a loss? Here's your guide to attire etiquette.

What's the dress-buying protocol for moms?
The bride's choice of color, cut, and length are meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom will wear.

In the most traditional wedding circles, it's customary for the mother of the bride (MOB) to purchase her dress first. Her choice of colour, cut, and length are meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom (MOG) will wear (the MOG, in turn, chooses a dress style and colour that compliments the MOB's -- their dresses shouldn't match). We think this approach is fine as far as it goes, but it's a little old-fashioned, not to mention a little unrealistic. There's always the delinquent MOB who prefers to shop at the last minute, the MOG who can't wait to hit the stores, uncooperative families who refuse to communicate with each other, and other factors that make abiding by tradition a lost cause. Just play it by ear, and try to be flexible. It's not a competition.

When the MOB buys her dress, what happens? Does she call the MOG?
If the bride's family wants to uphold old-school wedding etiquette, which says that the MOB is responsible for setting the maternal fashion parameters by buying her dress first, you can expect the MOB to notify you. This courtesy is presumably meant to prevent overdressing, clashing colours, and other fashion faux pas, but it's also viewed as a friendly gesture (she shouldn't sound bossy or territorial). She might very well call you, or your son might subtly deliver the details your way. Many MOGs really appreciate getting a heads-up and take the phone call as a chance to get acquainted, trade fashion tips, etc. If you don't care what the MOB wears and could do without the formal phone call, don't worry. Just be polite if she calls ("Thanks for letting me know! Sounds lovely!") and move on with your dress-shopping plans. When all is said and done, you're both going to look fabulous.

Does the groom's step mom have to abide by the dress-buying rules, too?
At the risk of hurting her feelings, the MOB will usually involve only the MOG in the mom dress discussion. After all, it's really just a formal courtesy. Express your attire concerns to the bride and groom. They'll let you know what they think is appropriate and give you some guidelines. Otherwise, wear whatever feels good.

What are the colour restrictions surrounding the MOG's dress?
Most would advise the MOG to avoid dresses in the white, ivory, and champagne colour family. Otherwise it appears as if the MOG views the bride as a sort of rival. There is also a popularly held negative attitude towards moms in black -- black suggests mourning (the loss of her son), funerals, and doom. Finally, many brides (and guests) might frown upon the colour red or similarly "flashy" shades -- the colour signifies defiance, flamboyance, and so on. Even so, we've seen MOGs in white who look tailored and elegant. We think black is a classic, chic, and formal choice. You're ravishing in red? We've seen it done with gorgeous good taste. The bottom line? Before you start shopping, talk to the bride. She may be very sensitive to the colour issue or completely indifferent. If she expresses reservation, think about subdued-but-stately colours in the lavender, beige, silver, burgundy, blue, and rose families.

When it comes to choosing the MOGs dress, how much say does the bride have?
It's nice to consult her on colour -- especially if you have your heart set on white, black, or red. She may also have ideas about style, length, and formality. Do try to respect her wishes -- and recognize that she might be too polite (or scared) to express her true thoughts for fear of offending or disappointing you. While shopping, keep her guidelines in mind, but the dress you finally settle on should make you happy, too.

How far in advance should the MOG purchase her dress? Also, is it okay to buy the dress without the MOB go-ahead?
In general, you want to start shopping as soon as possible. If you're a procrastinator, aim to have made a decision at least one month before the wedding. But you generally should wait for the MOB go-ahead before making a purchase. If you've heard nothing from the MOB and have about four months till the wedding, find out what's going on from the bride. Who knows what's taking so long? Her mom probably doesn't mind if you do your own thing and probably is unaware that you're waiting on her. In this case, you're free to proceed. If the MOB is being uncooperative, there's no point in waiting to receive word. Just do it.

Must the MOG wear something dressy to the wedding, even if formal isn't her style?
If it's an evening wedding, you're going to have to dress up more than usual. You don't want to stick out or appear disrespectful. But this doesn't mean you have to sport sequins and satin or velvet and rhinestones. There are many frill-free formal looks out there. Stick to your guns and you'll find an outfit (pants are okay!) that's unembellished, easy, and elegant -- perfect for your casual style. You'll be happy to know, too, that hats, heels, pearls, and gloves are not a requirement -- you can accessorize as sparingly and simply as you wish.

Can a young-looking MOG wear a sassy, strapless ball gown -- is there such a thing as looking too young or sexy?
On one level we think you deserve to wear a fabulously sexy dress, but on another we're wondering how the bride will feel. Run it by her. If she's supportive, go for it -- you're both going to sizzle! But if she seems concerned or crestfallen, have a backup plan. (You might want to ask your son for his opinion, too - he'll know what the bride really wants.) Besides, you're not limited to "frumpy" or overly conservative attire at all. It's quite possible to be a glamorous MOG without ruffling any feathers. Use your best judgment. A good litmus test? Get your saleswoman's approval -- she should have no trouble telling you what's "too much".