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1. Bridesmaids: Your Duties in Detail
Here's the skinny on what bridesmaids should do.
The bridesmaid is an integral part of any wedding, on hand to comfort, console, multitask, and party hearty at all bridal event(s). Whether it's your first bridesmaid gig or your 50th, here's a cheat sheet of your to-dos.
- Offer to help with pre-wedding tasks. Try to be specific when you volunteer. For example, say, "Would you like me to help you shop for bridesmaid dresses/stuff invitations/pack for the honeymoon?" instead of just, "What can I do?"
- Scout out bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewellery, and other accessories. Pay for the entire ensemble. (Break in your shoes before the wedding day -- that will minimize slipping, blisters, and aching tootsies.)
- Help to plan, co-host, and pay for the shower and bachelorette party with other bridesmaids.
- If the maid/matron of honour isn't already handling this task, keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (so that the bride/couple can write thank-you notes); maintain RSVP lists.
- Attend the ceremony rehearsal. (Keep abreast of all pre-wedding parties, and go to as many as possible.)
- Run last-minute errands. On the day of the wedding, be on hand to confirm flower delivery times, meet and greet the ceremony officiant, or satisfy junk food cravings.
- Stand in the receiving line at the bride's request.
- Serve as auxiliary hostess at the reception by introducing guests, making sure they know where the bar is located, and inviting them to sign the guest book.
- Hit the dance floor when the music kicks in. Dance with groomsmen during the formal first-dance sequence. Also, be on the lookout for toe-tapping guests who might need encouragement and/or a dance partner.
- Give the maid/matron of honour a break by helping to carry the bride's train whenever necessary. Bustle the train before dancing begins, and be ready to help fix it if it comes unhooked. Accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked.
- Purchase a wedding present perhaps with one or several of the other bridesmaids. This provides more buying power, and two heads are better than one when it comes to gift ideas. Sometimes the entire bridesmaid troupe pitches in for one knock-her-socks-off wedding gift.
- Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress -- even if the colour is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful.
- Provide plenty of emotional support during the planning and on the wedding day.
2. Bachelorette Parties: The Basics
Charged with planning a crazy night-on-the town for the bride-to-be? Here's your complete bachelorette party guide.
Bachelor parties have been a wedding tradition since the so-called Olden Days, when they gave the groom a chance to "sow his wild oats" before marriage. We are well out of that dark age (thank goodness!), and these days women celebrate imminent weddings with their closest pals too. Need some help with this night on the town? Read our complete bachelorette party guide.
Who Hosts?
Virtually anyone can host a bachelorette party. Often the maid of honour and bridesmaids, who are close to the bride, do the honours, but any friend, relative (a cousin, for example), or even co-workers who feel the urge can plan this party.
If you need to make reservations for a show or other activity, you'll want guests to officially RSVP.
The Guest List
Shower guests must all be invited to the wedding, but this isn't necessarily true for bachelorette parties. Chances are that most bachelorette party guests -- who are generally the bride's best gal pals -- are wedding guests, too, but it's fine to invite co-workers or neighbours who may not be invited to a small or out-of-town wedding. Just be up front with them about your limited wedding guest list -- you don't want to disappoint any well-wishers. It's usually best to keep this party pretty small -- definitely under 20, and under 10 is probably ideal.
Decide on a Date
Steer clear of the night before the wedding -- the last thing the bride needs is a hangover! She'll be nervous enough; she shouldn't have to worry about getting sick. If the wedding is in a town other than the bride's hometown, you might want to have the party before she leaves; even if the wedding is local, party at least 2 or 3 nights before the big day.
Plan Ahead
One person can plan the entire bash, or several people (like the bridesmaids or the clique from college) can collaborate. Some bachelorette hosts ask for a donation from each guest or co-host, depending on the type of party -- whether you're renting a private room in a restaurant or taking everyone for an afternoon of spa treatments, for example. That contribution may range from R100-R300, but the bride shouldn't have to contribute a dime. Be reasonable and don't go overboard -- you needn't put yourself in debt over this. A fabulous time can be had by all for little money.
Spread the Word
Store-bought invitations will do, or make your own with a desktop publishing programme or paper, scissors, pens, and glue. Choose or design with a theme in mind, even if it's as simple as the bride's favourite colour. Some hostesses forgo official invitations and just call guests a few weeks before the wedding -- it all depends on the type of party you're planning. If you need to make reservations for a show or other activity, you'll probably want guests to officially RSVP. If you'll be hanging out at the corner bar, scrap the invites -- a phone call is probably fine.
Party Time
Bachelorette parties are more laid-back and less structured than traditional bridal showers. There is no "typical" bash, though what usually comes to mind is a group of giggling girls dragging the bride from bar to bar (maybe encountering a sexy male stripper along the way) and making her blush in public. You can paint the town red if that's your style (or, more importantly, the bride's). But there are lots of other ways to celebrate -- a nice dinner at someone's house or a favourite restaurant, low-key dancing at a cool club, a concert (maybe Prince is in town and the bride absolutely adores him) -- the list is endless. The point is to reminisce, laugh, act goofy, and embarrass the bride at least a little (phallic props like wind-up mini penises are hilarious -- as long as she won't get completely offended!).
Tokens of Appreciation
The bachelorette party is not a gift party in the same way a shower is -- presents are not necessary. That said, this is a great opportunity for guests to give the bride silly gifts -- or even sexy ones (like the lingerie that was just too risqué for the shower). You might ask everyone to bring a gag gift (one guest we know presented the bride with a glamorous red wig to wear all night) or something hot -- a book about fabulous sex complete with diagrams, or perhaps a how-to video! Regression is another option -- give her candy necklaces or rings, bubbles, glitter, or a water gun. The goal is for the bride and her guests to just have fun before the wedding.
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